Confused.

There's a time when we feel like giving up after trying really hard to make things to be like it used to and start to move on. but there's still something hold you from doing it. You never wanted to hurt people's feelings especially not ur loved ones. but then, that special person now starting to realize that he has lost someone that mean to much in his life and starting to beg to never let him go. You're confused, you're in mess. You don't know what to do, because you still love him. Part of you want to get back with him and hoping he'd change and show some respect with ur decision, but part of you still wanting to let go because you've given him so many chances to fix it but he never appreciates. You just want happiness, you just want to be with someone that cares about you, that can't live without you even a sec. You want that, and u know u can't get it from him. Not anymore.

Suddenly you thought that maybe by giving this last chance, he will turn out to be better and maybe he realized that he did something awful that made you choose to runaway from him. How do feel when all ur hopes and thoughts are not happening? where u thought he could notice u as much as he noticed u before, and u thought he learnt from his mistakes but then unfortunately your thoughts are completely wrong.

Your heart is breaking again.

Cry. You just cry as much as you want because u feel the pain again. The pain that u thought u would never feel it again. You trusted him. You trusted his words, because he was the one tht u've been counting on before.. but now his words mean nothing to you. You never have intention to make him hurt, to make him pay for it. but deep down u know, by moving on and forgetting him are the best choices. You don't even know where do u stand in his life now. You feel so fragile.

But what should u do? Should u keep crying and keep hoping. Or just start over and have a new life without him? But u know u love him so much. Your heart hurts. All u can think is just how to fix this and that. but why are u doing it alone? Where is he? Once again, he's not there..

"Then why are u still with him?" How easy people can ask u that, but you know they were right. It's just you don't have the ability to answer it.

You're confused. You don't know what to feel. You don't know what is going on between u and him now. You're not sure whether this is the love that u want, whether he's the guy or not. You're not sure whether the love still exist. You just need answers..

Tough Love

Nothing can describe how much they mean to me, and they're leaving soon, end of this year. Omg how time flies, I really love each of u guys, so much. Goodluck everyone! 

Love will remember

Hey hey hey
The last time I've posted was like 10 months ago? So it looks like blogger hates bringing me here? lol no, I was busy like freakingly busy. You have no idea how crazy A level students are.

So.. my life gone a lil bit crazy lately, I'm proudly announcing that I'm retaking all the AS subjects again.. YES I AM UGH and IT SUCKS. I swear to god A level is nothing like high school's exams not even spm. I mean though its higher level but still, atleast I thought I can pass to next level happily and what not but its not exactly what I've thought. and yeah now I am retaking it all over again.. kill me!

Life is life,
wonderful college friends, not-so-caring family, sad-beautiful-dramas with boyfriend and blablabla..
but those memories are precious. some gave me lessons, some made me stronger and one thing I've learnt, people will always come and go including those people who we might think would never leave us..

Have u ever feel so bloody hurt like u don't even know what to do to overcome the sadness? If u have, u feel me. It hurts a lot. I kept saying that lately. It's like I just wanna cry everyday and fall asleep. It's hard to tell people how do u feel about wanting someone to understand you, to care about u like before. because you're the only one who feels it. people would never understand and keep asking u to move on, let go and forget about it but hello idiots, don't u know what "its hard" means? especially to let go, to forget about someone that u really love.. its not that simple I tell u..

I bet u guys have atleast someone special that you really love, tht u can count on, tht when u look at his/her face and say I'll marry this person someday. I had one before, but I'm not sure whether now I feel the same way or not. It's hard to tell if tht someone u loved has changed. It's like you're forcing yourself to love someone tht u never know.because that person u loved.. is long gone. especially the part they start to look at u differently, the way they care, they love, the way they say and they show it. You'll realize when the love is not there anymore. When there is no spark between u guys nemore. and you don't know what to do because you love him/her so much. to move on, to let them go are hard, so as staying.

No point if you're the only one who's making efforts and the other one is not. True relationship is when two hearts would do anything to be together. "TO BE TOGETHER" isn't it sound so sweet? My beloved one, he did that to me before, he cared, he was so charming and romantic. He was all I wanted. but then I have no idea what changed him to be like what he is today. I didn't say that I don't love him anymore ofcourse I do, I've been through thick and thin with him for like 3 years now. But I can see the change between us tho I have no idea why but he's still the only one in my heart. sometimes it hurts me when things aren't the same like last time, but I can't say anything. He doesn't understand. we can't ask people to go back and be like what they were before right..

All I need to do is.. just be strong and be patient. If u love someone, u'll do anything just to make him/her happy. And I'm doing it right now eventhough it causes me a lot of pain. eventhough I will cry everynight, eventhough he doesn't realize he hurts me SO MUCH. I will be patient and pray hope that one day he realizes how much he means to me. I'm willing to sacrifice anything just to be with him. Yeah, it sounds crazy and fool and stupid. but love makes people goes blind, it makes people do stupid things. and I believe in destiny, if God says he's mine, he will always be mine. nothing can change that. HOPE & BELIEVE are strong words. I HOPE and I BELIEVE he will be mine. Pray hard! Allah knows the best! Amin.

sometimes I find vampires have more interesting lives than a human has haha (I'm sorry but I'm a fan of The Vampire Diaries) ok minus the fact tht they're a blood sucker lol but seriously, when they get angry or sad they can switch off their humanity and move on.. and when they're okay they switch on the humanity back. How interesting is that? I mean I know its not logic but think it again, life would be so easy if we humans can do that right? switch off the feelings and move on find new guy switch on the feelings again blablabla lol but tht how life is and obviously vampires aren't exist in our world especially those lovely, fashionable, perfect ones. No they don't exist.

Gosh I wish he reads all this. maybe one day.. okay gtg guys! I have paper on monday and I'm so not ready kill me again haha XO.

Lifeless.

Hey universe! Omg I feel glad tht I'm still alive wth lol. Okay there was a big mistake about 21.12.12 wth with rumors saying the world will end? One thing tht I could say is those who believes do not have education like seriously man. Lol

Ok thts that. Now imma talk about how was the semester exams. It was a NIGHTMARE. I thought I had enough revision for econs yet I failed it? What is happening to the world now. I was expecting even I couldn't get something like 'wow alyn ure the highest, unbelievable' well atleast I can get something like "ok its not tht bad, I can still work it out a lil harder" but now it turned out like "DIE DIE DIE" lol

Econs failed, math was total messed up. Well now I have the feelings tht I'm gonna fail for my accounting as well. Pffttt is it like I dun deserve to be called a hardworking student? God I've been the most innocent nerd for the past 6 months!! Chill alyn chill. Everything happens for a reason. Well whts the reason then? Ugh.

Just to cool me down a little. Well not cool actually.. seeing my boyfriend took pictures with girls and knowing the boyfriend liked so many pics of his girl friends. I mean though they are just friends well tht doesn't mean he could fool me like that? I swear I can be the most evil FBI if anyone gets into my nerves!

I went through a few rough days with him lately, I just can't trust him like I did those days. He said he never lie to me but me as a girl I feel so much insecure. Its not like I've been dating with the guy that I want now. I mean a year ago he was so innocent, humble, charming. And he convinced me tht he did love me. Unlike now, he has gone into a very social life, girls all around, and blablabla. I guess he changed a lot and idw tht happens! I love him as much as he loved me before. But seing him with girls somehow made me jealous. Well ofcourse I do! I'm the girlfriend! I just don't understand whts happening between us. Hmm now it seems like things gone out differently, I don't tell any of my problem and same goes to him. None. We just keep quite and live our own lives like we haven't known each other at all. I dun want these. Help?

Last two years I can say like I was the happiest & the luckiest girl in universe to be D's girl. He was so romantic, gentleman, and he was there whenever I need someone. I miss his laughs through all my stupid jokes, his gentle reactions when I said I love him, and his ways to make me feel like a queen. I really miss tht. But now that he changed I'd never get them all again, I think. I just want him to convince me once again tht he really loves me. Prove to me tht he really does. And don't ever hide stuffs and lie. I thought we're the cutest couple tht shares every single thing? Lol.

Hm ok its 1:12am and I'm on skype with D and he prolly wanna hit the hay now. As a good gf, I wnt to be the last thing tht he sees when hes going to bed and the first thing tht he thinks when he wakes up in the morning! So, see you guys again? Xoxo, A.

Ps; D, please tell me tht u need me :(

A start as a college girl.

People somehow lately changing, admiring, and madly in love with instagram. well it's a new thing. would it be last long? We'll see.

hmm what's up guys?

as a new college girl, i would say it's quite tiring. i thought when I passed my spm it would've been freedom all the time like "no school , no uniforms , WE'RE FREE" lol well now I guess it's just a dream. 

maybe there's no uniforms, but we couldn't run from those we called "HOMEWORKS". Oh yeah in college it would've been different, it called "ASSIGNMENTS" hahah isn't it the same thing? 

Faithfully, ever since I entered A level, my heart's pounding everytime I wanted to enter classroom. ESPECIALLY ECONS. I found it was like a nightmare to me. Ms Merin is good, she's pretty and young and talented, to me she's like my encyclopedia. she knows everything about economics. and as a lecturer, she always wanted to help her students to achieve their goal to get an A for economics. well every lecturer wants their students to suceed. None of them wants us to fail duhh. 

but something haunts me, i'm afraid to talk. i'm afraid to ask. im afraid that everyone would laugh at me. as in her class, Ms. Merin's class, she would've made us talk, or explain everything she taught. and i have a huge weakness on that part. i really don't know how i'm going to deal with all these. 

maybe bcs im a girl from a total malay school, which last time i didn't really speak english and now what? im entering a college tht everyone speaks in english like 24/7. it's really a new thing to me. last time it's really a nightmare knowing tht I'm only a malay girl while the rest are all chinese. i've never been in that situation before thts why I didn't know how to handle it. but now i know how to deal with it. it's only my fear of economics class left tht made me feel something is uncomplete. 

why do i hve to take economics while my desire is only for accountings? why people force me to do A level while I really don't want to do it? Sighh if i ask my mom, she would answer it was my choice. I was the one who chose to take it before. Haaiihh I guess thts my wrong. I'm now facing something that I don't know how to handle it. I really depressed now. 

Wish that someone could know. 

Hmmm maybe i really have to force myself now. however, things would've been decided this way. well my mom doesn't wanna listen, friends don't really help me much, lectures are lecturers they are all doing their best way to help. while me having the same prob everyday. guess i hve to make an effort cause in any circumstances, life still have to go on. no matter what's awaiting us in the future. 

let's fight for what we want! Straight A's! Not sure whether im capable of achieving tht. bt I'll try my best! :D

oh yeah, i found one blog that really grabbed my heart. the blogger is a  girl and she really has that good english. i hope u never stop blogging. i like reading it. oops, like i already POP-ed my own secret now. lol. Gtg, stay tuned!

Act like a lady, think like a boss.

See my name? Alyn Zuhaimi. 

The hero. In 4 days later, officially one year and half.

Queen of the heart. I love you mommy!

The apple to my pie. I'm Bibi and stay happy with Alyn Z.

The collections of mine. I  live with these things.

Anything to say? My life.

Enjoy. Every moment in my life.

Memories. I love you.

I feel alive. With novels.

A & D. Alyn and Daniel.

These are all my collections. Stay tuned! :D

A letter from Mom and Dad.

My child, 

When I grow old, I hope you understand and have patience with me.

In case I break a plate, or spill soup on the table because I'm loosing my eye sight.

I hope you don't yell at me.

Older people are sensitive, always having self pity when you yell.

When my hearing gets worse and I can't hear what you're saying.

I hope you don't call me "Deaf!"

Please repeat what you said or write it down.

I'm sorry, my child.

I'm getting older.

When my knees get weaker, I hope you have the patience to help me get up.

Like how I used to help you while you were little, learning how to walk.

Please bear with me.

When I keep repeating myself like a broken record,

I hope you just keep listening to me.

Please don't make fun of me or get sick of listening to me.

Do you remember when you were little and you wanted a balloon?

You repeated yourself over and over until you got what you wanted.

Please also pardon my smell,

I smell like an old person

Please don't force me to shower. My body is weak. Old people get sick easily when they're cold,

I hope I don't gross you out.

Do you remember when you were little?

I used to chase you around because you didn't want to shower

I hope you can be patient with me, when I'm always cranky. It's all part of getting old.

You'll understand when you're older and if you have spare time, I hope we can talk,

even for a few minutes.

I'm always all by myself all the time, and have no one to talk to

I know you are busy with work

Even if you're not interested in my stories, please have time for me

Do you remember when you were little?

I used to listen to your stories about your teddy bear

When the time comes and I get bedridden. I hope you have the patience to take care of me.

I'M SORRY.

If I wet the bed or make a mess

I hope you have the patience to take care of me during the last few moments of my life.

I'm not going to last much longer, anyway when the time of my death comes

I hope you hold my hand and give me strength to face death and don't worry..

When I finally meet our Creator,

I'll whisper in his ear, to Bless you because you loved your MOM & DAD

Thank you so much for your care

We love you

With much love

Mom&Dad.

Life..

Pink Starter :)

Hell-oooooooo. This probably my first post. Oh no no no, I've posted before. But deleted! Lmao here I used to tell the world about the life. Where I came from, the people I loved, problems gah everything is in here. Looks like I don't have any followers by now but naaah it's not a big deal though. To the people who read this, welcome and hello cupcakes I'm Alyn Zuhaimi :) toodles.